Let’s Name Things Like Grownups Do
Dec 17th, 2007 by Max
John Mulaney and I were having a business chat on Friday, about business.
John: Yeah, hmm, I may be in Bill-burg until like 8 pm so we can grab tea and then take the train in.
me: I am receiving the first disc of Planet Earth from Netflix today, so MIGHT be too busy watching it and making gummy worms in the tub, which is what I call it when I masturbate underwater.
John: Sigourney or British guy?
me: Sigournz.
John: Sigourney or British guy is what I call it when I masturbate.
me: That’s what I named two of my balls. I named both of them Sigourney or British Guy
John: I call my dick Ms. Gina Davis.
me: I can’t tell which part of your genitals is the bigger lesbian.
I call my whole package the Brian Setzer Orchestra.
And i shaved my pubic hair and got this tattooed there:
John: I love the whole genre. I call it the “Rockin’ Rudolph” genre.
me: The genre of nu-swing repopularized by the hit film and Jon Favreaughicle Swingers? Or the genre of naming your undercarriage things?
John: Nu-swing X-mas muzak. “Big Bad Voodoo Daddy” fucking kill me.
me: I am not trying to brag but I was VERY early, almost pioneeringly so, on the Squirrel Nut Zippers Bandwagon.
John: Good for you. I was the first to tell the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies that their name had class.
me: hahahaha
You are killing it on this chat, John.
I just printed it out to put in the weekly mailing I send to my parents of “what’s up with Max!”
John: Haaaa, you have parents?!?!?!?
me: No, that’s what I call my balls.
John: Haaaaaaaa
bam
This is the weekly mailing I send to my balls, for whom I’ve rented a PO box.
it is a federal crime that there are no comments on this.
“making gummy worms in the tub” ”
“first to tell the cpd that their name had class”
this is the blog post equivalent of a Lil Wayne mix-tape. may you get paid to be funny forever.
the captcha word it is making me type right now to post this is “childless.”