Child Trading: Gotta Catch ‘Em All
May 16th, 2008 by Max
My biggest fear about becoming a real growned-up adult is having a shitty kid. you know? Because what are you supposed to do in that situation? The ugly truth is that you don’t find out that your kid is shitty (or ugly) until it’s way too late to do anything about it. But now, finally, there is a place on the Internet to upgrade your hatchling, a place to safely trade your child with another family’s child: Child Trader Child Exchange Network. It’s just a regular site where normal adults who kinda don’t like their dumb kids because the kids hate cats can get some kids that *love* cats, legally.
I am a fan of 12-year-old Andrew, for obvious reasons:
Kid after my own heart. Though if you read his profile, you see he’s not made from the roughest stuff. (Bet he can’t finish that hamburger.)
Medical History: Can drink milk without issue, not allergic to bees, mold or cats, and enjoys going outside all the time. May have a bit of the Leukemia, but God doesn’t make mistakes so he’s just perfect for somebody out there.
Strengths: Has a lot of fun with basketball games like Horse, and makes the very most of every single day as if it was his last. Rarely complains of pain in his bones and is kind even to butterflies and house flies.
I don’t want no weak-boned whiner. Also, before you get up in arms about the legality of this site, be sure to read some myths about child trading:
Myth: You don’t have the right to trade children
Yes, you do! The transfer of legal guardianship of a child is regulated but not restricted. Just as sure as an aunt or grandparent may take custody of a child, so may a stranger, with the court recorded consent of all parties.
Myth: Child trading is bad for the kids
Only if by “bad” you mean “good.” Kids get out of households where, for whatever reason, they are not wanted, and enjoy placement in a home where the parents will actually tolerate them.
Myth: Child trading breaks up families
While technically true on the surface, the other, equal truth is overlooked. For every family we break up, there is another family we make.
See? No problems there.
May have a bit of the Leukemia…. so not funny
hahaha ok yeah it is!
it is hilarious!
“Child Trader Child Exchange Network isn’t about not loving childing. Its about finding a family that can love them more. ”
“There are many reasons why parents may elect to participate in a child trade:
* - Child is unmanageable or too manageable,
* - Child is too sick or so well that rearing does not pose sufficient obstacle,
* - Child is of the wrong gender,
* - Too many children of one gender, with none of the other,
* - Child is too old or too young,
* - Child is too proficient or deficient at a particular sport or musical instrument,
* - Just don’t like the kid you have.”
I’d trade my brother for Olivia
Great seeing you last night…
So that kid in the orange shirt with the two thumbs up - I saw him two nights ago in a bar in Brooklyn. Not in person. In a different ad. And guess what. In the exact same pose, exact same shirt, everything, he was wearing a yarmulke! It was an ad for a Jewish day camp. I wonder if he was traded into Judaism.